The Reflection Room

Tag: Melanated Topics

  • I am still Black without Struggle

    I am still Black without Struggle

    It’s 8 pm on a random Thursday night. My best friend and I spent the day dragging our feet through dreadful lectures, getting stomped out by the stress of finals, and trying our best to enjoy bland dining hall food. Because our dorm is the only place we can escape, we immediately returned and began our nightly routine. Since the beginning of the semester, we chose to watch three to four episodes of a new or old series that we loved every night. This month was the CW series called All American. While she set up her laptop, I cleared my desk. Then we bunched in front of my desk, sitting in the rugged wooden chairs the school provided, just to watch the episodes. This routine was a simple pleasure that we enjoyed sharing. It was a breath of fresh air—a moment for us to alleviate any heavy thinking and even heavy feeling. 

    For at least an hour, we fully immersed ourselves in the lives and drama of the show’s fictional characters. But being engaged in this show became complex and frustrating during that night’s episodes. If you are not familiar, All American is a show with a majority Black cast inspired by the life story of NFL Superbowl Champion Spencer Paysinger. It follows the high school football phenom Spencer James and his friends from South Central LA and Beverly Hills. It is, what you may call, the typical teenage, family, high school, sports drama tv show. It’s full of love triangles, school rivalries, and a whole lot of “I don’t know which college I will go to.” However, since the 2020 BLM protest, issues of race have been broadcasted in every form of media and business. Businesses like clothing brands, food brands, sports companies, social media platforms— you name it.  They all have released statements acknowledging race and pledged to be more inclusive for their Black audiences. The film and media business doesn’t fall short of this same demonstration. That night, the episodes we watched included a police shooting of a young Black girl from Spencer’s neighborhood. They spent the episodes exploring protest, intense trials, racial targeting, etc.

    Now, I know you may be wondering why I am not a fan of this type of demonstration but hear me out. In no way am I saying that I hate talking about issues of racial inequalities, and I don’t want it on television. It is a great way to spark the right conversations about race and racism. However, how often do I have to watch a movie or show about the same topics? How many episodes dedicated to race need to be made to inform others? They give us slavery portrayals, civil rights stories, BLM reenactments, police brutality, or just plain Black trauma when we ask for more representation. My best friend and I wanted to distract ourselves from reality, yet we were left triggered and reminded of what we can face as Black women. 

    I want to read and watch stories without being reminded that being Black, unfortunately, comes with the burden of racism and inequality. Princess Tiana wasn’t just a Disney princess. They included the fact that she struggled to afford her business, and her mother worked for a white family (Princess and the Frog). Netflix couldn’t make a movie about a smart Black girl inventing the time machine and leave it at that. They had to make her use it to go back in time to stop the police from killing her brother (See You Yesterday). Our version of Bonnie and Clyde wasn’t a daring drama about love and crime. It was about a Black couple on the run after killing a white cop (Queen and Slim). Where are the fun, happy, magical, exciting, daring, and innocent movies for us? I’m not saying they don’t exist, but it is less common and less promoted. It’s almost as if creators think that it’s not a Black story if it doesn’t have a racial struggle. We have worth telling only historical biopics, police brutality, or slavery.

    A piece of media can be salient to Black culture without highlighting racism or trauma. For example, Johnson Family Vacation, Fresh Prince, That’s So Raven, and Issa Rae’s Insecure is undeniably rich in Black culture without glorifying the racial injustices we endure. I want more of that. I want more content of Black people just living life. This desire is not to negate the history and significance of our struggles and how they may be helpful to the plot of a story. I know art imitates life, but can I dream of a world where racial inequality doesn’t exist? I’m exhausted. I strive to write the stories I want to see as a writer. I want to see more movies, books, and tv shows about Black nerds, Black vampires, Black royalty, quirky Black love without trauma. Fiction is all about dreams, imagination, and world-building, so why not use it just for that. 

  • Novaturient

       If you are wondering where I have been and why it took so long to generate content, I must draw your attention to the word novaturient. Novaturient is desiring or seeking powerful change in your life, behavior or a certain situation. Since the last post on my blog that was a feeling that invaded my body and haunted my insecurities for the last three months of 2019. I have gone through a phase where I wanted to accomplish things however I wasn’t able to accomplish them. This discouraged me and almost damaged my self-confidence. To help better understand, let me paint you guys a picture. A young girl who possesses many dreams and goals have been accomplishing things since kindergarten. She cried when she couldn’t read big words. So she learned to read big words. She wanted to get straight A’s. She got straight A’s. She wanted to learn to ride a bike and she learned how to ride a bike. She wanted to join the cheer team and she made the cheer team. She wanted Valedictorian. She was the Valedictorian. But then she got to a point in her life where the things she really wanted, weren’t coming so easily anymore. So this crushed her and made her question herself. That young girl was me. The true transition from teen to young adulthood has just begun.  

       I’m learning that a part of life is learning that things you really want, you will have to work extra hard for. Even if you don’t get it the first time and don’t come when you want. Trying again and persevering will help you eventually get it. Especially when the timing is right. So novaturient has become a theme in my life. I began seeking to change my mindset and do a lot of self-reflection. I had to put my trust in God and also put my trust in myself. With this new year, I am coming in with a more positive attitude. I am working to perfect my craft and exercise it more. I’m going to continue to write on my blog. I’m going to work hard and accomplish the goals I have planned.

    Overall, growing up is an experience but I’m learning to take it one step at a time. I appreciate the patience and support everyone has given me and I hope writing this inspired you and helped you to let go sometimes and realize that everything will work out as long as you are constantly being novaturient.

  • Should I Have Done It For The Culture?

    It has been roughly one month since I moved into my dorm and started school. Unfortunately, I have to admit that I prejudged my institution based on the sole fact that it was a PWI. PWI stands for predominantly white institution. Now, you may be asking yourself, why is that such a big deal? That was something I was actively asking myself as well.  

    In order to understand my perspective on things, you have to consider the historical context. During slavery in America, black people were not allowed to receive any form of education. Once we were able to receive an education, predominantly white institutions or schools did not allow black students to attend their universities. As a result, historically black colleges were created. It became a safe space for young black students to receive higher education and to embrace our culture. Now you can imagine what type of conflict may occur for a young black student choosing between a PWI and an HBCU. I was questioning whether I should have attended a school where I always had the opportunity to go?

     One of the things that kept crossing my mind was dealing with ignorant people. I feel that as a young black girl I am always on the fence ready to defend my race, my identity, and my purpose. So coming into school, I was just “wishing a white person would!” In fact, there was a minor situation that solidified that feeling. Unfortunately, we cannot escape racist and prejudice people because of the society we live in. However, I have been getting to know people that are not like me and come from different backgrounds. I’m not always going to be in an area where I’m surrounded by the same people. Therefore, i’m taking this opportunity to inform myself about other people and cultures while also teaching someone else about my culture. 

    Additionally, I was wondering what campus life would be like. I already had a glimpse of what the college experience is on an HBCU campus. You have the black sororities and fraternities, lit homecomings with famous artists, step shows, extravagant bands, band dancers, and just the overall comfortability of being the majority. I’m not saying that PWIs don’t have those things; however, I was assuming that they didn’t. The first weekend I spent on campus canceled all of those assumptions. My school has greek life for all ethnicities, the band is really good, and there are a lot of fun events to go to on campus. Also, There’s an organization called the black student alliance which is for the black community on the George Mason campus. In fact, it branches out into a bunch of organizations for black students that are Caribbean, Haitian,  African, etc. There has been multiple events, parties, and panel talks that have made this past month as comfortable and enjoyable as any other school. 

    Overall, there is a lot of debate between young college students about PWI versus an HBCU. I believe the “rivalry” between the two should come to an end. We all are receiving an education. We all have our reasons for choosing where we attend and just because someone attends a certain school doesn’t make them or their education better. We should be celebrating each other and our accomplishments, whether it’s at a PWI or an HBCU.

    http://www.americanradioworks.org/segments/hbcu-history/


  • Watch Out World Im Sorta Grown Now

    Anxiousness, excitement, and curiosity has filled my body since the beginning of 2019. Although 2019 isn’t over, it was ultimately the year of growth and new beginnings. I dealt with a lot of inner conflict during my senior year. I was constantly overthinking about my future and whether or not I was making the right decisions at the right time. This was a major concern especially with all the college applications and important deadlines.  However, after long months of overthinking and anticipation, I graduated. 

    Graduation didn’t hit me like I thought it was going to hit me.  I visualized myself crying during my speech, during the calling of the names, and when I finally got to see my family. But I was just plain happy. I thought maybe it was because there was no doubt in my mind that I was going to graduate. But it was because I realized that after summer ends and I head to George Mason University, I am now an adult. My life is my life and everything I do at this point falls on me. My parents are going to be there every step of the way but this is ultimately where I really have to start advocating for myself and being responsible.

     As my summer begins to come to an end, I am left reflecting on the past two months as well as the next few months ahead. My summer experience was dedicated to bonding with family and friends, learning how to drive, and preparing for school. I went to my schools orientation and countless scholarship ceremonies and workshops. And now move in day is only 17 days away. I am eager to move into my dorm, experience campus life, and taking classes. Not only am I excited for school but I can’t wait to fulfill my goals. I made a promise to myself to start a blog. This blog is to document my journey into adulthood and to also document my growth as a writer. Creating this blog will help discipline me to continue to write, become a way to keep people updated, and it’s a way to share my work. I have so many ideas that I plan to bring to life and share with the world. This is just the first step. Welcome to Inside Of DZaunta’s Changing World

    Here is an insert of a poem I wrote to express everything that I felt during senior year. Curious and Under Age.

    Curious and under age.

    Anxious, inspired, and enraged.

    Rushing a journey,

    which has not come.

    Triggering my thoughts

    because more I want.

    Why not walk

    before I learn to run?

    Can I run?

    It seems more fun.

    Curious and under age. 

    Waiting for the day

    when time expires,

    And fulfil my desires.

    • D’Zaunta Jones
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